I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
