i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
