Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
