he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
