Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the raccoons are back...
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