All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
