Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
