just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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