jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So here I am, sexting at work.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
