Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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