Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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