He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
