She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
