We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
