Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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