There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
