if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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