what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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