Sry I called you an 8
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
