I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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