i think my tv is drunk
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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