i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
