No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
