I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
