Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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