it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
