The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
