my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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