So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
