Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.

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(647): View more from Ontario

if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day

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(301): View more from Maryland

and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!

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(256): View more from Alabama

I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.

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(240): View more from Maryland

This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.

(1-240): View more from Maryland

You've ruined popcorn for me.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"

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