i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
