we're blogging at a bar
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
