I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
