Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
