I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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