I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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