"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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