is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
