I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
