When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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