Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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