I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
