Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
