I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
