I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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