3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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