Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
