Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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