I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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