I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
