no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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