and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
