I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
