Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
