Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
