watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
