Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
