You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
