My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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