Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
