SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
