just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
