I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
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who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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