Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
