That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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