dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
