I could make wine with my vomit
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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