Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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