So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
