Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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