Dual....:-)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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