he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
