I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
