remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
