I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
